welcome back donkey friends,
this particular donkey has been busy with other duties than just grazing the fields, munching on hay making barnyard animal noises. i have spent a good majority of this time preparing tax information for my CPA so he can ensure i get a fatty refund. perhaps it is because i know the right angles, or perhaps it is because uncle sam realizes that he shouldn’t tax a f*ckin donkey - but regardless i am getting back my entire tax obligation from last year in the form of a refund. although it’s only a matter of time before the current administration attempts to frivilously tax anything with 4 legs and unfairly reallocates collected funds to support emotional causes built upon unconstitutional principles; so donkeys, tables, chihuahuas, etc. beware! i’ve also learned that direct deposit is always the best, because it can’t burn a hole in your pocket if there’s no check or cash in the wallet. in any event, i apologize to my ever so loyal fan base that deserves sarcastic sports content on a weekly basis.
in case you didn’t notice, spring is upon us. in carolina, the rebirth, flowers blooming, warmth in the air, and creatures chirping are taking full flight - so is falling asleep on the couch like a jack-ass with half a beer in hand absorbing as much free baseball as possible before the MLB Extra Innings free trial expires. giddyup! i’m not sure of this year’s time line, but if history serves us correctly we have about 4 more days of this ahead (that is unless you are a half decent american and choose to pay for the MLB package when this expires so you can watch future baseball at your leisure). nope, not this guy - the “college mindset” can never truly escape even the most respectable of creatures. the college mindset is one that thrives on partaking in anything free, at all effort possible. it is scavenger based, almost vulcher like at times, paralleling neanderthal type activity. it’s been a while since i signed my credit away to get that ugly citi financial t-shirt. i’ve come a long way since freshman year to quickly assess and pounce on the right “free” opportunities. and although i no longer believe i’d take home 10 bagels from work on ‘bagel friday’ to be used for the next week’s sandwich bread, i still have enough tricks up my sleeve due to my navy seal like college mindset.
any baseball enthusiast appreciates the beginning of april as the start of a new championship run. arguably the best postseason in sports, March Madness, simultaneously wraps up as the baseball season’s first pitches are thrown. every one can wipe away last year’s disappointment (everyone hurts when philly wins), and amp it up for the fresh breath. somehow, even my buddy who roots for the pirates has hope that “this is the year” (to get over .500), and i believe my beloved nationals will easily lose 120 games during this campaign. both contain a very high percentage of happening. i do give my buddy credit, he’s as passionate about the pirates as he is the steelers. ask any steelers fans for their pirates memorabilia and IF they know who the pirates are, at best their memorabilia would contain traces of clemente and stargell. not the donkey friend, he bleeds black and yellow all year round. god has a special place in heaven for people who choose to be a part of something miserable for 162 days a year.
this column got me thinking - i definitely want to know what the readers think, so please leave a comment on this blog article in response to the below question:
what is more likely to happen, the pittsuburgh pirates will finish the regular season above the .500 mark, OR the washington nationals will lose at least 120 regular season games?
leave your prediction in a comment, and collectively we’ll root for and against these teams. although it’s not rocket science to conclude that the nationals have a 91% likelihood of losing every time they sniff a field, it gives a partial silver lining to us nats fans when they put another tally in the loss column. i’m not a gambling man, but i would compare it to betting against your team in vegas. if you win on the field, you probably lose in vegas, and vice versa. so either way there is at least partial satisfaction.
and although it is too early in at 3 games in to determine the fates of each squad, there are a few things that we can’t ignore. the nationals stink. 1st inning through 9th inning, they just collectively stink. sure, they have some bats and prospects as well as some youth at the heart of the team which is always something to build upon. and i’m sure their pitchers may be serviceable at some point - but when your top “gun” probably wouldn’t make any other mlb squad then certainly we’ve got a disaster of a season ahead. no one likes their team to be a loser, but when your team is miserable you come to love it. i won’t be able to take my eyes off of the nationals all year in anticipation of going into the record books.
the pirates really have been on the verge of (extinction felt like a natural word to put there) turning the corner the past few years. with a team known as the ’steelers’ in town, and even a good hockey team stealing some attention it doesn’t leave much room for a team that hasn’t sniffed a +.500 season since the early ’90s. so until there is a real salary cap in baseball, and/or their ownership decides to build a team as good as that ballpark then the pirates can only do so much. in fact, i’d be willing to say that they’ve overachieved in certain realms based on their circumstances. they’ve had great under the radar team pitching campaigns within the past couple of years, but it has been overshadowed with relatively ineffective offense. if you don’t score, you don’t win. “if yer not first, yer last!” if you don’t win, your pitching doesn’t get the appropriate attention it deserves. i would love to see a true salary cap, as teams like the pirates would thrive because they have been forced to make the most of what they have. but until then, losing teams are always fair game for mockery by us sports donkey folk.
toodles, and happy jesus weekend.