….when you are blessed to be BOTH a redskins and browns fan….especially on sunday november 22nd 2009….you should just go kill yourself if you root for both teams….. 
Posts Tagged ‘redskins’
how you know life hates you…
Monday, November 23rd, 2009how a donkey does super bowl weekend
Thursday, February 5th, 2009hola fellow donkeys of sport,
since the super bowl committee wouldn’t give me press credentials, i wasn’t able to make the trip to tampa this past weekend. however, the weekend was excellent as this guy actually took part in three consecutive nights of social events. not since college have i thrown it down that hard. crazy how the body shuts down and gives up once the glory years are over. if someone knows how i could procure a few more glory years please let me know.
so although this donkey couldn’t enjoy a tampa weekend, he did enjoy it. listed below are a couple observational highlights in no particular order, donkey style.
1) John Cougar Mellencamp has a good thing going for him. yeah, he’s certainly put out some classics (which my friend jeff and his intoxicated cover band jammed out to during their past show on friday, complete with other hits and comedic intoxicated stage theatrics). but i’m talking about that guy’s name. i don’t know how he couldn’t decide which to use back in the day - using variations of john mellencamp, john cougar, john cougar mellencamp, cougar campjohnmellen. it should have been a complete no-brainer on what type of sequence to settle on.
he knows how to get after it
one other rule i would live my life by if given the opportunity, and a rule i try to pass on when given the chance is to advise others to NEVER EVER under any circumstance remove a cat name from your own name. in fact, celebrate it. if my middle name was puma you better believe i’d wear that with pride. in fact, i’d drop my first name and strictly go with puma bonchers (one letter was altered in the last name to provide a tad of anonymity to the donkey’s true identity). or better yet, i’d rock puma van bonchers. something about the way the dutch put “van” in front of any crappy last name can buff a piece of coal into an instant diamond. try it, put ‘van’ in front of some sloppy last name that’s been bothering you and now you’ve got something manageable.
not your grandpappy's pop - i wonder what happens when little timmy mistakenly drinks one of daddy's 'soda' canisters?
2) no matter how far you go, you can never outrun an Extenze commercial - even though the bar i was frequenting at the time was showing the same channels i watch at home, that point is irrelevant. i’m not sure what bothers me more - the fact that this company has such a high demand (since seemingly 90% of men across the world believe they have inadequate ‘parts’), or that when Extenze offers their one week trial that you receive like 15-20 pills? regardless of what you’re working with down below the equator, wouldn’t a warning bell go off inside your head that maybe inflating your part with 2-3 pills per day for the rest of your life be a bit much? maybe some unknown long term detrimental effect should keep you away? or just stay away because the whole idea is f*cking weird? and if that wasn’t a warning sign, when they offer two Extenze beverages that provide a liquid penile option that you’d THEN decide at that point to put the phone down from calling in the offer? 85 pills a week is one thing, but canisters? seriously? i can now walk around in public with penile growth in my hand?
this country really is screwed.
i at least put the phone down once i saw the canisters…i mean…i…was curious…..was not gonna order……umm..actually….for an experiment…. @%43j..nevermind…
cards fans- nothing spells 'ass dagger' like thousands of cactus pricklies
3) although rooting for the cardinals, i was just pleased we got to see another amazing super bowl finish in back to back seasons. however, if i was a cardinals fan and given the choice, in lieu of witnessing the tragic demise, i sure wouldn’t veto a chance to eat a 6-foot tall standing prickly cactus with out utensils instead. that outcome would certainly be better than stomaching such a heartbreaking super bowl loss in the final minute. no worries cardinal fans, you have 60 more years to think about this one too.
and as exhilarating and awesome as that 4th quarter was, it came crashing down once dan rooney opened up his old mouth. that family has done quite a few good things for the pittsburgh organization and the NFL in general, but some do-goodisms are actually retard-isms when you take a step back to look at things rationally. while holding the lombardi trophy, with the chance to deliver some great words of wisdom regarding this monumental 6th super bowl championship, of all people rooney chose to thank the president first - never thanking god either. i don’t remember seeing obama’s name in my king james bible growing up. and call me a non-believer, but i really don’t think that obama guy has the capability of rising from a tomb one day to save everyone from their daily sins on earth. it’s now comical to the donkey how many people act like our newest president is a savior of monumental proportion. any president has my support, but let’s be realistic here. the man is a president - not a religion, not a spirituality, not a cult, not a celebrity, not invincible, not perfect.
let me ask you a question here. i know i have an intelligent reader base (i know it’s just 3 readers but forget that for a second) - but WHAT THE F*CK does a president EVER have to do with a team winning a sports trophy?!???!!!!! if your answer was “nothing”, then you are completely correct! ding ding ding ding ding, you win the prize of not being a dumb-ass stupid on this one. we all need to support our president like all good americans should do, but let’s not choose to fall into a state of retard-ism about it.
4) Drinking beers out of a redskins super bowl XVII championship mug are mighty tasty - they go down quite quickly too. i suggest you snag your oldest mug, rich with tradition or a time your team bathed in success and happiness. because if you’re like me you won’t get the chance to enjoy a championship when you are old enough to understand it. and the more i filled that mug with sweet corona and added to the never ending lime pile at the bottom of my bottomless mug, the more i filled that cup of solace as well. my skins didn’t stand a chance in super bowl XLIII, but somehow as each corona trickled it’s way down my belly filled with wings and other tasty tidbits, things felt right.
this guy knew how to pour DC a tasty beverage
‘09 is going to be a good year for this donkey, and one of his teams will take a trophy. not sure which trophy, and not sure which sport, but something has to give. because this donkey knows that president obama…oops, i mean savior obama..will bless the food and body of his newly local dc redskins - so they will have the powers to bathe in the blood of their 4th super bowl championship next season.
neato.
college football bowling, game 4 - BYU v. Arizona
Thursday, December 25th, 2008Game 4 - BYU v. Arizona
nice, the first anticipated barn burner of the season. typically a team ranked at 16 would be an obvious choice against an unranked team in a bowl game. not the case here. although Arizona had lost 3 of its last 5 going into this one, they were all close games to top 25 caliber teams, with a 7 point loss sprinkled in against USC. the mighty trojan men are always a force, even in a down offensive year losing a dog fight to them might as well count as a win. BYU on the other hand got manhandled in their only two tough games of the year, against TCU earlier in the season as well as just recently to Utah. many people thought BYU could knock Utah out of the BCS hunt, but instead laid down for a nice 38-24 stampede to allow Utah a bid into the bowl of sugar.
the sports donkey’s lady pal is a dallas cowboys fan. somehow she hasn’t ramrodded a spur up his ass since he’s an obvious redskins fan and makes sure to let her know about it every step of the way. the donkey hasn’t tomahawked her yet because she has found a way to adopt the redskins as a favorite too. and she doesn’t just root for the skins to appease me, she’s turned into a fan and is a big supporter of the rugged and colorful clinton portis - great pick. i like where this is headed. she’s also a yankees fan, as the donkey does not approve of this choice. ouch, cowboys and yankees.
not too often can you sign a guy like a.j. burnett for oodles of overpriced dollars yet that turns into back page news quicker than carl pavano fading from the pitcher’s mound. but when you are the yankees and have just actually bought all rights to c.c sabathia for life, and now you are eyeballing a ridiculous offer to teixeira then burnett quickly fades from memory. let’s throw in a possible offer for manny ramirez and we now have a world class circus rolling into town. and i’m not talking about that lovable beach ball dancing bear as your headliner, i’m talking about the coolest bear out there, a lovable white polar bear turned vicious, who knows how to command a bazooka and fires into the crowd for a few laughs.
poor guy can no longer compete with mutating polar bears taking over the marketplace
even with all of this monopoly money being thrown around to destroy the ethics and integrity of america’s pastime, the sports donkey lady and the sports donkey find a common bond. since the sports donkey despises the red sox more than the yankees (this transition took place in 2004 when fair weather donkeys all of a sudden realized that they knew someone at work who had a friend related to some guy that went to boston one time so they now believed they had a legitimate connection to become a fan) then the sports donkey lady appreciates my stance. so in that hatred, we can truly unite when it comes to baseball. i do like dustin pedroia though - that 5′6″ frame is one mean sumbitch, and plays with such a perfect blend of love and venom. pound for pound that little donkey is the epitome of never giving up - i just wish he was on one of my teams instead.
since time warner cable doesn’t contain the nfl network as an option in any package, we must flock to a local bar to see if dallas can make a statement and beat the ravens. i love watching important match ups when i despise both teams. i may prefer that one of the teams win because it helps out a third team in possible playoff positioning, but in the end if both teams suck during the game and hurt one another it’s great.
the nice bartender who forgets every food and drink order at least remembers he works at a sports bar, and uses all of his brain power towards remembering to put the bowl game on the tv next to dallas’ feeble attempt to defend texas stadium one last time. i know it’s hard to take someone’s drink order containing one drink and be expected to remember it. perhaps that is my fault, maybe i should be more sensitive and not order anything.
between the dallas cowboys v. the baltimore ed reeds and conversation with a few bar mates, i didn’t stay too involved in the college bowl game to provide any colorful commentary. BYU loses rather convincingly from what i could tell, as timely turnovers and inability to stop the big 3rd downs bury the cougars. and the donkey feels the pain, 24 points down the drain. once again, this proves that picking a good team out of a lackluster conference who was starting to look like a pretender may not be the way to go when they match up against a quality team that finishes just above the middle of the pack in a good conference. and it proves that putting 24 confidence points on a game like this only makes you look like a jackass.
but the donkey quickly comes back to life. i actually do wish the cowboys would win, because it’s better than the eagles possibly getting into the playoffs. and since i appear to genuinely root for the cowboys tonight, then those add up to solid brownie points in the eyes of the sports donkey lady. kind of like at chuck e cheese’s when you win enough tickets you can barter them into nifty prizes, like a jump rope or a kazoo - that’s what i’m working towards.
the cowboys give up timely back to back running plays of over 70+ yards, with the mcclain run officially becoming the longest opposing team run at texas stadium. what a fitting way to burn that field to the ground.
college football bowling, game 1 - Navy v. Wake
Saturday, December 20th, 2008Game 1 - Wake Forest v. Navy
11:40 am - i have done what many savvy sports clicking fans have done, and kept this game on a delay through DVR. that way i can fast forward through commercials, but watch the game only on a slight delay.
i’m pumped about this match up. for one, it kicks of the bowling season. secondly, it’s in ole RFK stadium where redskins fans remember the shaking loud stomping stands that cheered the redskins onto 3 superbowls under a guy named joe gibbs. lastly, an armed forces academy playing in the nation’s capitol reminds us of how privileged we are to live in this great country, and that there are still many great men and women out there working on preserving our liberties that we take for granted.
11:41 - first thing jumps out at me, and that is Navy’s sweet new uniform unveiled for this game. at first i was a bit worried as they seemed to parallel Oregon State’s wretched sports bra look from last year. but closer look reveals blue color patches are placed along the shoulders to really accentuate their personalized armed force patches. stylish and powerful. the anchors on the side of the sleeves add a nice touch as well that gives an identity to navy who typically opts for the notre dame style of uniform - revealing only solid color jerseys and gold helmets in a no frills and lazy man approach. i am usually old school when it comes to uniforms and keeping heritage, but the exciting jersey teamed up with well thought out pants stripes containing military red ties the uniform together as a collective unit. this uniform came to the game ready to play. i now contemplate my pick in bowl mania, allocating a win and 7 confidence points to wake forest. i doubt they’ll turn the ball over 6 times again to navy, but navy’s uniforms will make a big play in this game. navy will win this game, i now feel it.
this bra like jersey clearly wasn't built to make plays
11:46 - this eagle bank bowl did it right. perhaps DC will turn into boise and new mexico, where they simply create a bowl so their local team has a home game each year so their fans “travel well” for support. although boise finds a way to get into more popular bowl games each year, their fans travel much better to games on that pukey blue turf. last year navy had to travel west for their bowl game, so it’s safe to say that keeping them in the DC area provides a nice treat for them and their fans, and deservedly so - great idea DC, these guys know what it’s like to wear a uniform, as upon graduation they enter the world to serve the united states in the armed forces - most of us americans take our basic liberties for granted, but not these guys.
11:45 - after a great defensive stand, the navy qb kaipo-noa kaheaku-enhada steps onto the field. as espn threw his graphic onto the tv, i had to pause the game to see what kind combination of letters and numbers pieced that name together. it must be cool to have a few dashes in your name, creating natural pauses and breathers for those who try and say it.
11:52 - 3 points for Navy = 3 push ups. luckily i’ve been pile driving push ups as of late with one of those twisty push up contraptions you see on tv these days. i don’t have the ultimate push up created by the navy seal guy, although that would add a nice twist. it’s a great tool. 3 push ups? you’ve got nothing on me buddy.
11:55 - Navy’s uniform makes it’s first big play of the game, stripping alphonso smith of the football, while another Navy jersey runs the ball back for a touch down. call stands, 10-0 Navy and now 10 more pushups. put a midshipmen uniform on me, i’m a physical specimen and legitimate war machine.
12:03 pm - i don’t know how Wake won any games with that pop warner offense out there. a 10-0 lead is insurmountable and we still have 3:22 left in the first quarter.
12:20 - another field goal slings through the uprights, 13-0 Navy - they have officially iced the game early into the second quarter. 13 more push ups thrown down by the sportsdonkeynavyseal - 26 total pushups gobbled up to this point.
12:23 - YES! the first old school redskins sightings of RFK as clips of their glory days fill the tv. the announcers remember that glory and tell us about it. they actually know what they are talking about, and that makes me happy. then again, not everyone is capable of ruining a broadcast quite like tim mccarver.
12:31 - clank, sam swank misses a 49 yard field goal as it bangs off the left upright. plenty of leg from a quality kicker who missed most of this season due to injury. get used to kicking field goals in the DC area mr. swank, the sports donkey feels strongly that you’ll be wearing the maroon and yellow up the road for the skins next year.
12:46 - nice down field pass completed by the long named Navy qb. earlier i heard that Navy has won a few games with out completing a pass. with the success of a highly powerful triple option running attack, it’s still amazing a team can win like that. Navy has thrown about 5 passes thus far with guys running in space. this could get ugly for Wake.
12:49 - yucky, alphonso smith intercepts a ball while playing deep safety for Wake. Navy needs to stick to that running game.
12:51 - Navy’s uniform forces another fumble and returns it for a fumble 6. the call gets reversed and rightfully so, but the uniform has obviously shown it is today’s difference maker on the defensive side of the ball.
12:52 - i will put the updating on hold until Wake decides they want to play football. at this point i’m looking forward to firing up a cheese steak lean pocket.
12:56 - that didn’t last long, but i couldn’t resist. another fumble by Wake although it cleverly rolls out of bounds. turnovers and sloppy play are great equalizers as Wake is doing its best to not score today.
1:02 pm - that boldin guy is a great receiver. with a last name like that, how does Wake not run a ‘deacon package’ that allows him to take direct snaps. at least throw him the ball, maybe that’s why you don’t score points.
1:03 - Wake pushes a TD into the end-zone. they have a good chance to go to half time being down 13-7. after a miserable first half they have to feel good about their chances. it looks like we have a game again, neato.
1:04 - nice, a miller high life commercial comes on - i love that chubby black dude who wanders around with his high life employees and takes beer back from yuppie sports event attendees who obviously aren’t worthy of drinking a working man and sports fan beer. i love it when a company tells the public it offers a sh*tty product, and celebrates that. if you’ve been to college, you thrived on cheap poopy beer. these commercials are sweet.
1:05 - the dumb best buy commercial comes on where the ‘geek squad’ guy speaks about how he installed a blind guy’s new tv onto the wall, and how he taught the same blind guy how to use 4 different remotes to work his new entertainment system. great job, are you also going to tell us how you sit next to him every day and change channels for him because he’s f*cking blind? did you also teach him how to drive back to best buy for more remotes in case he needs another? don’t you all have universal remotes? i’ve seen those big @$$ button remotes, perhaps that might be good for a blind guy instead.
1:35 - after my encounter with today’s first hot pocket, Wake pounds a convincing TD onto the board. 14-13 Wake. now Navy is on the fence. the thousands of push ups you made me do during the annual Army throttling has prepared me for postseason play. come on fellas, i’m ready for more push ups.
1:59 - the uniform decides to play both sides of the ball, and shows up on offense for this Navy series. it puts together a long drive via the ground game and shoves a hard earned TD across the line. after the obviously failed 2 point conversion pass attempt, 19-14 Navy. this is an entertaining game, not a bad way to kick off the bowl season.
2:01 pm - 19 more push ups completed = a total of 45 for the day.
2:10 - riley skinner has 15 seconds to throw, and hits a man wide open. the receiver’s helmet pops off his head. i love it when that happens. they look like little hermit crabs shuffling to find a new shell. naked and exposed, and no longer android looking either.
2:12 - TD Wake, 22-19 after a well thrown ball for the two point conversion. a field goal by Navy would be nice as a counter punch to tie this thing up, and an overtime session would be a nice way to kick off the inaugural eaglebank bowl.
2:21 - the Navy back up quarterback adorning a crafty state of texas based shoulder patch warms up on the sideline as Wake gets stuffed on a 3rd and short with just under 4 minutes to go. here comes the punt, and the stellar 2 minute passing attack of Navy awaits.
2:27 - three straight rush attempts and zippy yards. let’s see if Navy can dial up the 10 yard rushing play on an obvious passing down.
2:28 - long named qb guy scrambles for his life on 4th down and makes a tremendous effort, but falls 2 yards shy as he fumbles the ball away.
it was another great effort for Navy in a bowl game, but for three consecutive bowls they lost a heart breaker by 3 points or less within the closing minutes….errr, check that.
2:31 - Wake scores a TD in garbage time, and posts a 29-19 score in the locker room.
the benefit for graduating midshipmen is that although their careers end and they can’t fight another battle on the field, at least they have the opportunity to rifle down terrorists in the name of America. that’s better than an eaglebank bowl win.
the sports marriage equipped with a poop mop.
Thursday, December 4th, 2008obviously, like any rational person in this universe, sports are a necessity to a man’s life (and if man wants to marry a woman, he must find a woman that loves sports. it’s simply not enough to find a woman that ‘tolerates’ sports, because if she tolerates them then she undoubtedly will expect us to ‘tolerate’ watching hours of garbage reality tv and gossip. find a woman that loves sports, and if she loves beer, real microbrewed beer, then keep a hold of her - if she looks good too, then never let her leave your sight. in otherwords, act like you would if she were made of filet mignon wrapped in bacon, with a bun made of beef brisket, served on a plate made of fine italian sausage to be used with pork ribs as utensils.)
anywho, as a guy, loving sports comes more naturally than the love for other people. now i’m not saying i love sports more than family or friends, because that’s just dumb, but i am saying that falling in love with sports or a team is quick and instant, easy, gratifying unprecedented love - everything worthwhile in life needs to be worked for as the saying goes. so being able to take the human nature approach of being lazy and irresponsible to still yield a lively and pleasurable experience is instant gold. and this can only be achieved through sports love - this is why we need sport.
let’s face it - long before we were being visually rejected in grade school by treelike women hitting puberty years before us, sports were our backbone. even while our teams constantly let us down year in and year out, we somehow let that back stabbing b*tch of a team back into our lives relatively instantly - it may take hours, minutes, or even weeks and years or lifetimes to fully comprehend the agony that has been bestowed upon us, but like shaking off a wicked hangover we are back on the horse in no time. yet it is a completely one sided relationship. if our team plays uninspired ball with no emotion and gives up during games, they don’t pick up the phone and try to issue a formal apology to us afterwards for letting us down. they don’t give us specialized attention. there’s no cuddling or steak dinner. our sports teams never apologize to us, and we certainly love them anyways. but heaven forbid, if our girlfriends accidentally turn a game onto the regular channel instead of HD, or spend their own money buying us a six pack that costs $.30 more than a more favorite brand, then fire and brimstone rise from our veins. it’s a damn shame, but that’s life and how our brains were programmed.
motion to rename the browns to the steamers?
i do consider myself a compassionate and caring person in relationships. but there’s no argument that mentally we put these sports teams onto a much higher pedestal than others, otherwise we wouldn’t put up with their sh*t! we’d cut them loose. why else would i still support cleveland sports teams? i’m only 27 years old, i can’t imagine those donkeys that have supported cleveland sports for even a minute longer, especially if you were born shortly after 1964 - boston fans, i can’t believe you even whined about your sox and their ‘curse’ while you had the patriots beginning to carve a dynasty. boohoo, the celtics only won 89 championships in the previous 2 decades. besides, a town that sold Babe Ruth to their rival deserves to remain shackled in infinite sports demise. philly fans? i think you won a championship this quarter century in something (no one else cared) before the phillies managed to win a world series under charlie manuel - cubs fans? at least your bears enjoyed the terribly awesome superbowl shuffle of ‘85 - new orleans fans? yeah, you guys have beef because your fans get up, and the team finds a way to let you down. but cajun food is silly good and you haven’t been around long enough so keep the faith. but cleveland? the most recent championship to our name was provided by the browns. yuck, 1964! for an entire city comprising of 3 major sports teams!
sorry columbus crew, although not from cleveland you did provide a championship for the state of ohio in ‘08 - but american soccer championships don’t count as championships. not sure what would count as a real championship, but as a start at least 50% of the town you represent needs to know what you are about and that you’ve won something. it also wouldn’t hurt to not be one of the worst soccer leagues in the world. mexico has a football league - yep, they try to play american football. it must be gratifying to raise a banner celebrating your team’s championship representing that you are officially the 600th best football team in the world - immediately behind all NFL teams, all divisions of college, the canadian football league, NFL Europe, a handful of high school teams, my sh*tty flag football team that finished near dead last in the Carolina Panthers Weekend Warrior flag football tourny years ago, and a couple of pee wee teams. do you think that mighty mexican championship team could beat our super bowl squad in any given year? though it sure would be interesting to see how vegas prepares the point spread.
but considering we live in a day where the super bowl is practically a holiday, the browns final championship of 1964 is somewhat mentally asterisked, a quasi “NFL Championship” if you will - since the NFL super bowl had not yet been introduced until ‘67 to compete against the AFL, winning a 13 team league in previous years is now hardly a complete championship in retrospect - not to take anything away from the guys who collected those accomplishments, because what they specifically did in the NFL in that 14 year span was solid. but when the indians won their American League pennants in ‘95 and ‘97 i doubt that anyone acknowledges those as true ‘championships’ these days. yep, it’s cool to be American League champions as you’ll peddle a few extra t-shirts, but no one remembers second place. i am constantly reminded of this as i see crappy highlights of atlanta braves celebrating a mid 90’s world series ring against the tribe in god awful fulton county stadium, and a young edgar renteria hoisting his dumb florida marlins arm into the air as the winning run scores in game 7 - don’t think i can recall flashbacks of the indians winning their ALCS titles - and off the top of my head, I don’t quite remember who they even beat to win those. i think the orioles in one, not sure about the other. but case in hand, no one cares. for a country that celebrates mediocrity, it’s surprising how quickly we banish those that don’t win ‘the big one’.
as clevelanders (sorry guys, i never have lived in cleveland so i pity your amazing efforts at remaining loyal), our best pseudo championship was via the art modell ravens, conveniently winning a superbowl just years after that dirt bag moved the team from cleveland. thanks guy, move the team from such a gracious city (at least cleveland was capable of retaining all rights to the browns name), yet rip our hearts out with a superbowl win while fielding an offense resembling a high school jv team. not a nice payback pal. speaking of which, how ’bout matt stover?! that guy is still kicking good footballs as the only remaining brown on the ravens. good kicker that stover.
i always wanted someone really funny to run with my next thought. the sports guy bill simmons, if you are reading this (no idea why you would, but i’m doing the wish in one hand and sh*t in another and see which one fills up first approach) please put this idea together for me, combining your unyielding humor. if sports cities and teams were personified, who would they represent as humans? - i’d like to see you cover as many teams and cities as possible. i can’t quite put my finger on who the female would be to represent the browns - i initially thought of a rosie o’donnell. you’re never going to win with her but she’s always around, always nagging, always pissing you off, and there’s no way in hell you want your friends knowing you’re dating her, you are embarrassed with her ability to perform at anything, and you are constantly repulsed by her mere existence. yet, at the same time, the browns have shown some promise here and there and were even dubbed a ’sexy’ team due to their offensive explosiveness last year to go along with a robust 10-6 record. and well….rosie……could…never EVER reveal sexiness on the human level so i’ve got to keep thinking about this one to find a better correlation.
great ballpark, poopy team
i grew up on cleveland teams and will always pull for them, but more of my heart is with D.C. teams as i spent most of my life living in the northern virginia area. the redskins are my squad, and that joe gibbs did a thing or two for that team during my youth. i have been a hearty nationals fan since their inception. they may never win a championship in my lifetime even if i am placed into a cryogenic container like austin powers and frozen for roughly 175 years. that is, unless they follow what european soccer leagues do, and relegate the crappier teams down a level based on performance. so by the time the nationals end up in Single A ball they could possibly scoop a championship. not sure if that should count as a ring though - probably not as important as a world series ring. who knows, maybe i’ll create a poll and post it to nationals fans. 25 more years of the crap they’ve put on the field as a non-expansion team and i’m sure we’ll get antsy to hoist any banner.
back in circulation, as non-hetero as ever
note to readers - any takers on a $5 bet on which team will win a league championship first, the washington nationals or the detroit lions? i’m talking $5 for the first team to win their conference/league and another $5 bet to the team that wins the whole enchilada. in advance, we could put the money into one of those time capsules that donkey childhood ‘friends for life’ put together - then we’d bury it into the earth somewhere filled with heirlooms, photos, friendship bracelets and such, then when the time comes to dig the buried treasure we would relive the nostalgia and collect the money worth next to dog sh*t by that point.
speaking of nostalgia, i couldn’t resist. when doing a quick google search for slap bracelets those damn things appeared all over the place. why was i not notified these things were back in circulation?
sports and their teams are truly man’s best friend - no denying it if you want to be honest with yourself. (sorry beanie, lexi, ziggi, and tiki - my adorable chihuahuas that i love to death), but our beloved sports teams are the only ones that can tear our hearts out yet show up at our door, with out issuing an apology, while we wait with arms wide open. i bet if sports did show up on my door not only would an apology not be issued, but i’m sure it would drink all of my beer, make passes at my special lady friend, destroy my place, and make me clean up the wreckage while it pees in the corner. oh well, can’t wait for the next visit! however, if a dog were truly man’s best friend, when there is dog sh*t on the floor we would be more compassionate and understanding - we’d console the dog, tell him it’s not his fault, and we would clean up the pooh with grace. but instead, the closest puppy to me at the time floor poop gets discovered turns into a poop mop. an eye for an eye bud - however, my sports teams poop on my floor many times a year with out recourse. so through this poop mop test, naturally dogs fall lower on the hierarchy of importance. no denying the results.
oh well, at least ken dorsey will be throwing footballs for the browns this weekend. nice.