hello ladydonkeys and gentledonkeys,
i’m back on the attack, back on the grind, all over it. while we all mimic joe lunardi by assessing a handful of basketball teams, giving early assessments as to how we’ll fill out our ever so important march madness tourney brackets, certain things get lost in the shuffle. sure, there’s tons to talk in regards to top teams out there, the worn out battle of which conference is better, who’s on the bubble, in the bubble, breaking the bubble, who’s the bubble boy, who should win player of the year, etc. etc. but the media blasts us with that trivial and surface content daily. let’s get after something that is overlooked, but something so meaningful - our beloved sports announcers.
there are many reasons we should salute these guys, because there are so many great announcers in college basketball - probably the sport with the most amount of good announcers. in life i try to appreciate everything i come across, so handpicking and taking a look at some of the top guys is no different. often times for the human race to appreciate something, we must first have something taken away. so thank you FOX, for singlehandedly trying to ruin college football broadcasts, for you have truly allowed me to appreciate the guys out there that get it right. we live, breathe, and grind a college football season with our top tier announcer guys. then when it comes time to crown the homecoming kings and queens we get stuck with NFL faces for a few of the BCS games, who know nothing about college…nor do they care. but in a way, thanks FOX for sucking so bad to allow me to no longer take good things for granted.
take a second, and start digging through your mental rolodex of college basketball voices that you enjoy hearing. i’ve certainly watched my fill of ball, more so this year than any other year. and whether i bounce from an espn affiliate, to cbs, to local raycom sports for my ACC action i can’t really think of being let down. so give it a good thought before i dissect my personal Sportscaster Tournament Bracket - who are your favorite college basketball voices and why?
Let’s start with my first 4 guys in - these aren’t necessarily my top 4 in regards to favorite sportscasters, but they are dependable, and certainly look like ‘tournament teams’ this late in the season. so let’s punch their tickets now.
captain consistency
1.) good ole ron franklin - he covers college football as well, and he’s got that perfect blend of warmth, excitement and knowledge to make things click. enough energy to feel the excitement of the game, but not too much to take away. i can never wait to hang out with him on espn’s ‘big monday’, or ‘big ronday’ as i’ve officially renamed it. i never leave myself thinking ”what the hell is that guy saying?”. there is a direct correlation with how many times you ask yourself that and how crappy an announcer is. tim mccarver, do you have your pen and paper handy?
fRantastic fRinish
2.) a good front man is only as good as his support. behind every good man is a good woman, and every superhero needs a trusty sidekick (so i’m told). i think batman could have done with out robin - a pit bull or someone with balls wouldn’t have allowed someone to break batman’s back, but that’s a different story. ron franklin’s partner in crime is fran fraschilla - i was never good at basketball. sure, i was a good ‘role player’ and was great at boxing out. but because i couldn’t do anything else i chose to focus on one thing and get as good as i could at it (even though i still sucked at my one good thing). apparently, coaches like to recruit guys who can shoot, or are actually good at anything so i never quite got the chance to use my 4 years of eligibility. but “fantastic fran”, or “FRANtastic” as he is known around my donkey house, does a solid job of explaining basketball strategy while keeping things simple. because of his previous coaching experience and ability to relay that nicely to the viewer, guys like me can see the game from a much fuller and deeper perspective.
call me mclavin', i've got memorable phrases
3.) FRANtastic’s ‘interchangeable part’ would be steve lavin - lavin uses power terms such as his go to “interchangeable parts”, and slides them into a broadcast quite nicely while he too does a good job of bringing previous coaching analysis to the hardwood. he is also known for his “paralysis of analysis” catch phrase. brilliant. he probably didn’t coin that one, as yogi berra has connections to any phrases of value to the sports fanatic, but steve should get credit for this application in basketball. he adds that slightly creative touch to an objective analysis. he can be interchanged for fran on the fly. they both appear like they’d be a bit over 5 feet tall and have the nice greasy italian hair look. they are both dudes that sound soft but would probably ‘joe pesci gauge your neck out with a pen in the movie casino’ if you ever crossed them the wrong way. nothing wrong with a little graphic feistiness to keep us on our toes.
knockin' broadcasts down like bowling pins
4.) Brad “grab some popcorn and nestle in to a great play calling broadcast” nessler - he too has a solid college football connection. so for any guy who can handle the fire of a college broadcast with success will always get a big check mark in my book for any future broadcast. nessler could light my house on fire but i’d still tune in to hear him cover another Virginia Tech ACC football championship. even though he’s cheesy at times, it’s in a good way. (mccarver, are you still reading this blog post)? nestle me nessler joked the other day about stumbling back into his hotel room early in the morning after a full evening drinking bender. nessler knows how to throw down, which remains close to the heart of any true sports fan.
for my next tier guys, these are big names that have been playing solid ball as of late. they too are guaranteed slots in the field, and guys you really need to be on the lookout for as they rise up the rankings.
sing me a sweet lullabye jimbo
5.) jimmy dykes - this guy has diligently climbed the ranks in my book week by week. partially because he shares the same first name and has a basic look as a buddy of mine, yet dykes doesn’t need 10 beers in one hour to give me that same hilarious sh*t eating grin when the camera is in his face. jimbo pulls from his past coaching experience and uses that to supplement his analysis as well. recently during another tough VT bball loss, jimbo let us know that the footwork of the VT defense was not only sloppy, but he suggested how they should correct it. low and behold, VT applied the proper footwork in the second half and had more success containing Duke’s dribble drive. unfortunately, it took seth greenberg the entire first half to apply this, while dykes needed about 2 minutes of game coverage. dykes also began showing frustrations with sluggish defense, so i appreciate an announcer who doesn’t sugar coat, and isn’t afraid to call guys out using his coaching emotion. our country is turning into a pillow fighting nation, i respect this aggressiveness.
i am legend
6.) brent f*ckin musburger - say what you want about brent, but here’s why brent is dynamite and can NEVER be overlooked in tournament play: as americans, we love watching train wrecks, we just can’t get enough of them. so when someone inspires us so much that we actually want to have a first class seat in the train as it wrecks, then we know we’ve got a diamond in the rough. musburger has this power over me, as well as many other of you out there. he has so many copyrighted coined terms that you just can’t get enough of - to name a few, “dandy”, “folks”, “looking for daylight”, “the big fella”, and “he hits the 3-ball”. most announcers annoy the hell out of me with their repetitive nature, but with brent you get amped up like a little school boy anticipating that next tag line. for those of you who understand where i’m coming from, do a google search for the musburger drinking game - if you ever set out to play a version, make sure you prepare to drink a case of beer during one telecast. the burger will not disappoint. but if you have a wife, also be prepared in the morning to explain why there are pee stains on inanimate objects, why there are doritos finger prints smeared along the wall, and why you have grass stains on your forehead. musburger isn’t the conductor of a cute and comfy trolley, he’s going to plow your ass through the neighborhood.
bringin' a bazooka to a pillow fight
7.) bobby knight - anyone who slaps players during games and throws chairs further than most men can toss a javelin automatically deserves consideration. but it just so happens that knight is making the most of his color commentary. i like his calm demeanor, and subtle succinct game analysis. and when he decides to call out a player, his well placed and unexpected sarcastic one liners could win him an easy oscar. with musberger as his companion on major telecasts, you can’t pay for better sh*t than that. with 18 first half beers in my gullet after playing the musberger drinking game, knight’s cut like a knife verbal antics allow me to piss my pants with laughter while not thinking twice about it. this combo can’t be beat. just watch a game for the commentary alone, it’s a circus you can’t allow to come to town without purchasing a front row seat.
what do i look like? you'll never know!
8.) raycom sports guy - i’m sure i could pay more attention while i watch local ACC action, or even do a quick google search to pin point the name of my guy, but the “raycom sports guy” nickname is better. it kind of sounds like a super hero, or at least a mystery man lurking in the shadows. this fella like all the others does a good job with leading us through the game - plenty of knowledge, a good radio type voice, and a local guy with a slight southern sound is what gives him a solid edge in most match ups. every one loves a local sounding guy, cuz he provides the neighborhood coziness. raycom guy gets a strong bid for my tourney bracket, because he doesn’t garner much national media attention and glides under the radar. however, when ACC tourney time comes around i expect raycom sports guy to be on top of his game, as we all prepare for what is expected to be the most competitively played ACC tourney in years.
the macgyver of the sports world
9.) ‘big game gus’ - i shouldn’t need to say anything further, and if the name ‘gus’ doesn’t ring a bell then you’ve wasted your life to this point. gus johnson is the epitome of a sportscaster, and unfortunately for the public he only comes around as often as ole saint nick. it has always frustrated me that ‘big game’ only covers a few of the first round games of the march madness action. i never hear him cover anything during the regular season. CBS has him on lock down. but they are intelligent about this. by keeping gus behind closed doors all year, we are able to welcome him with bigger arms during the best time of the college season. it allows us to cherish gus like no other. most times we want to exploit something great, and in turn take it for granted. not gus, they keep him locked up like a caged animal then unleash him when we need him most. but if you don’t know about gus, here’s a brief look into a sportscasting icon. gus is well known for his boyish excitement. it can be a missed jumper 58 seconds into the game, or a half court shot at the buzzer to win the east regional, gus is still more excited than a pig in sh*t. this teaches our youth that you need to enjoy the journey, don’t save all positive emotion for only the best of times. stare in the face of adversity and cherish every moment. gus’ purely authentic enthusiasm, combined with the splash of laughter and smooth game play analysis make for a complete rollercoasting thrill ride of euphoria. especially for us buckeye fans (sorry xavier musketeers), but recall the oden year when osu came back from about 11 down with under 2 minutes to go, only to splash a deep three to send the game to OT where they’d eventually win and continue their run to the championship game. gus’ energy during that broadcast had me bouncing off of walls cackling like a heina. i’d love to catch a telecast of gus covering a meaningless ice curling competition (aren’t they all meaningless? dusting ice while a big ball looking brick thing shimmies along seems questionable). the point is, give gus a mic and let him do his thing. he’ll create a market for anything marketless. yes, the guy is that good.
so although big game gus looks like the front runner on paper for the 2008-2009 Sportscaster Championship, we all know that winners are crowned on the court. all of these guys can make some noise, it just depends on who catches the most fire coming into the dance.
i know i left some guys out, such as the obvious selections of jay bilas, dicky v and a local DC area legend hubert davis (analyst more so than an announcer) - but not everyone can make the field. so now that you’ve seen the guys who round out the field for my Sportscaster Bracket, sound off. do you agree or disagree with any of these selections? who got snubbed? let me know about some other voices you think should garner a tourney bid. the sports donkey nation needs to hear it!
