Game 7 - Notre Dame v. Hawai’i
merry christmas sports people, here’s your fresh load of stocking stuffed coal. thanks santa, this game sucks. i am now going door to door telling all the good boys and girls that you don’t exist.
he's pretty bitter about this game too
don’t get me wrong, it’s always great to view a game in hawaii right before christmas. most people never get to experience an island holiday, so we can all appreciate the culture and excitement that gets brought to us through visualizing island life. it’s also fun to say ‘mele kalikimaka’ a few times.
i’ve made a few long distance calls out to the big island and conducted a few interviews. other than getting away from frigid south bend to opt for ‘living the life’, i wonder what it took to get the faithful fighting irish fans to travel half way across the world to view this big winner chicken dinner of a match up in person.
the most common response was that most fans felt good that the mighty irish could win their first bowl game in over 13 years, and that they wanted to witness this rise back to fame. i guess that makes sense - consistently wasting top recruiting classes to barely scoop 6 wins is actually brilliant. this plan of attack basically allows you to hand pick which other crappy team you can play against in a bowl game. apparently hoisting a tin can of a garbage trophy is still a trophy, and playing in or around new year’s day isn’t too important. ND is also proud that they can postpone for at least one more season the creation of a bowl game in their home town - ala new mexico and boise who like to guarantee they get invited somewhere in december. i do like the sound of the ‘charmin south bend over the toilet bowl’. a life sized toilet paper mascot man could serve multiple purposes when you have been serving your fan base bowls of sh*t all year.
hawai’i gets the ball first. i like how the pirate mustache is in this year at the QB position. the rest of the team seems to have gotten the memo about the hawaiian warrior look - complete with hawaiian looking fellas and wavy island hair protruding from the back of the helmet. it’s a great move in the right direction, as the mighty hawaii rainbows and their feisty white and rainbow clad helmets are still traumatically etched in my brain from childhood.
pretty poor play call allowing this thing on the field
the first 3rd down of the game is upon us, as a nice clausen ball gets dropped. a gorgeous punt follows suit, and even though it rolls around for 12 seconds on the 1 yard line two notre dame clowns kick the ball into the end zone. circus folk can make anything look funny.
damn, charlie weiss is restricted to calling his high powered offense from the booth, as his recent leg surgery inhibits him from waddling the sideline. i hope that leg heals up nicely, but his underlying selfishness keeps us from making ‘rubberband around a marshmallow’ type jokes for the charlie weiss torso. how is someone shaped like that?
7:52 left in the first quarter, and our wonderful announcer has just dropped a “golden shower” reference. paint was blasted off of a notre dame helmet as they show this replay once more. wow, it’s tough to even really comment on that one, but i figure i’ll give it a try. i guess we’ve all had this one wrong all along. now when we see golden paint chipping off of things in our daily life we can refer to these events as golden showers and giggle with our friends about them. peeing on someone no longer applies and apparently isn’t funny anymore. booooooo.
this game really, really, really stinks. clausen lights up the griswold family christmas by rifling for 401 yards on highly efficient 22 for 26 passing. even though the hawaii defense only lines up 5 guys, jimbo deserves a bit of credit for tossing some precise down field passes.
the game ends up at 49-21, even though the sports donkey and family couldn’t stomach the completion of this mess.
go ahead notre dame, celebrate this win. live it up, a win is a win. but one thing i’ve learned in life is that you can’t polish a turd. no matter how hard you try to buff it, bronze it, or rub it down, a turd is still a turd even when placed high upon that mantle piece.
Tags: clausen, fighting irish, hawaii, notre dame, the sports donkey, warriors